Fun Old-Fashioned (Griswold-Style) Family Christmas

"It's not going in the yard, Russ.  It's going in the living room."

Pay homage to the Griswold Family Christmas Tree with this fun twist on traditional Rice Krispie treats.  To get the effect, cornflakes are swapped for rice krispies for more of a "leaf look," green food coloring gets the color right, and piped white icing and M&Ms serve as the "lights."  With all the ooey-gooey melted marshmallows, this tree might be just as sticky as the Griswolds: "Little full, lotta sap."

"Yule log. Not a log, I don't have a log, I mean, you know...If I had a log.  Not in the sense that you think I said I did..."

Who can forget Clark's double entendre-ridden shopping trip to "look for a gift for his wife" (God rest her soul!)?  'Tis the season to be merry!  We've managed to transform naughty into nice with this rich dark-chocolate sponge cake filled with a delicate, yogurt-lightened whipped cream. We cut the amount of sugar in half, letting the intensity of the chocolate in the sponge cake shine--go ahead and splurge on a higher-quality bar.

"Ellen, are you smoking again?!"

We're not gonna lie - it looks like Ellen's about to murder that head of cabbage when her mom gets in the way of indulging her vice of choice.  Feel free to vent some of your own holiday stress on a poor unsuspecting cabbage with this seasonal-inspired slaw.  Dried cranberries, freshly sliced Granny Smith apples, and toasted chopped pecans incorporate traditional holiday flavors into a dish that's often associated with summertime. This slaw would be the perfect partner to some of the more rich Christmas side dishes.

"Don't you think you might be overdoing it, Dad?"

After Uncle Eddie and Frank Shirley, the Griswold Christmas lights might just be Clark's biggest nemesis.  Not to be deterred, he manages to finally pull off a display that could probably be seen from the International Space Station.  With these adorable chocolate-coated strawberry "lights", you can create your own light display with a lot less work (and a whole lot more deliciousness).

"Can I refill your eggnog for you?  Get you something to eat?  Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"

Naw, we're doing just fine, Clark!  This classic eggnog recipe is sure to be a hit at your own "fun old-fashioned family Christmas," and will help you find some of the more difficult family members a little more bearable this year.  Better yet--enjoy this eggnog in your very own Moose Mug.  

"Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the WHOLE year."

2020's shenanigans got you feeling like Clark when he finally opens his "Christmas bonus"?  Us too.  Instead of enrolling in a jelly-of-the-month club (or making your own, which, let's face it, isn't that easy), grab a jar of store-bought pepper jelly and drown your sorrows with these spicy-sweet margaritas.  

"I told you I put it in too early!"

We've all probably had a moment like Cousin Catherine, when a holiday food prep schedule gone wrong threatens to ruin (or actually ruins) the meal.  There are two secrets to a succulent roast turkey: The first is not to overcook the turkey, and the second is to buy a fresh, free-range bird that has not been frozen.  The best way to not overcook the turkey?  Invest in a reliable cooking thermometer.  It connects via Bluetooth to your phone and comes with six different probes that can all be programmed to different target temps in the app.  

"Save the neck for me, Clark!"

Simmer down, Uncle Eddie.  Everybody knows that the neck tastes best when the giblets are sautéed and simmered with the turkey drippings and seasoned chicken stock for a smooth, creamy, indulgent gravy that helps even the driest of turkeys taste amazing.

"It's lime!"

Well, this Jello mold isn't lime-flavored, but it is just as delicious.  Celebrate the spirit of Aunt Bethany this year by serving this cranberry mold over the holidays.  Pro tip: For a truly Christmas Vacation-worthy mold, sprinkle a light-colored cereal on top to resemble pieces of kitty litter.  

"Naw, naw--he's probably just nosin' through the trash."

Keep "Snot" out of the trashcan with these irresistible homemade dog treats.  Not a pet owner yourself?  Gift them to a dog-lover in your life.  

"Where is Eddie?  He usually eats these &*@$ things."

Because the natural first solution to having a squirrel running around is killing it and cooking it up in a stew.  No?  Try these precious squirrel-shaped gingerbread cookies instead.